Make Time For Yourself

By  ELLINA KIM ‘28

My first day at Exeter was full of new people and awkward conversations. I spent my entire day telling people my name, where I was from, and what dorm I was in. I had this constant fear the whole day that I wouldn’t find my group of people. That everyone would become friends in the first few days, and I would be left alone. By the end of the day, I was burnt out not only from my clumsy social interactions but also from my dread that no one liked me. This culture that surrounds being “social” and “extroverted,” along with a universal fear of being alone, is something that is always present in our modern society, especially at Exeter.

There are four supposed pillars of Exeter: academics, sleep, extracurriculars, and social life. The catch is that you can’t do them all; you must prioritize some over others. Every single day, Exonians attend rigorous classes, demanding sports practices, and hour-long club meetings — only to get back to their dorm rooms and try to complete four hours of homework. So, where does “social life” fit into this schedule? After having these demanding interactions with people all day, how do you find time to think and care about your friends?

The answers to these questions lie in the fact that it is impossible to constantly be with people. It is impossible to always show your most extroverted and lively side. It is impossible to always have something to talk about. It is impossible to always want to be surrounded by even your closest friends. Humans, though naturally social creatures, find solace and rejuvenation in being alone.

However, being alone is controversial. The fear of seeming like a “loner” is ever-present in all teenagers’ minds. There’s an innate need to seem social and popular, and these expectations that we set for ourselves are unattainable. These expectations stem from an anxiety about what other people will think of us if we sit alone at the dining hall, walk into town by ourselves, or hide away on the top floor of the library. 

The truth is that there is a judgment that surrounds people who are alone. Not only do people set impossible expectations for themselves, they set them for others as well. These toxic standards are the reason it is hard for people, especially teenagers, to allow themselves to be alone and enjoy it. 

These standards can be detrimental, especially in the case of Exonians, where alone time is a valuable way to relax and recharge. Exonians spend the majority of their time interacting with peers, friends, teachers, and coaches every single day. The Harkness learning method forces even the quietest students to discuss and talk with each other. Living on the same campus as all of your friends makes it easy to always be together. Rigorous coursework requires students to be in constant communication with their teachers in order to not fall behind. Exonians expend so much of their social battery on these interactions that they are left needing that time alone even more. 

Friendships are essential at Exeter. Having a group of people who you can talk to, ask for help, cry and laugh with, and even sit with at the dining hall is a crucial part of your Exeter experience. However, you cannot always be your most cheerful and animated self, or you will burn out. Finding time to rest, read a book, watch a show, or go for a run by yourself can be an opportunity to recharge your social battery. At a school that often demands more than we can give, alone time can allow us to recharge and even invest more energy into our relationships with our friends. 

So, go ahead — make some more time for yourself and discover the difference it can make in your life.