Social Battery
By MARVIN SHIM ‘27 and KEVIN THANT ‘27
When you were a chWhen you were a child, you could spend time with people for hours, maybe even days. You loved hanging out with your friends and playing outside for hours. There were nights when you needed to talk to someone or you would go crazy. Loneliness now, however, is a part of the ordinary.
As children, our friends dictate the flow of our lives — we play outside, go to as many birthday parties as possible, and as many playdates too. The more we went out, the more energy we seemed to gain. I used to think my parents were crazy for getting tired from being at parties and talking to other parents. The more the merrier, right?
At Exeter, there are nights when there is nothing more I want than to watch a movie alone. On those nights, hanging out with friends drains me rather than the other way around. When I return home, there is nothing more I want to do than rot in bed and sleep all day.
Part of this has to do with how stretched out we are at Exeter students. We wake up, go to classes, have athletics, then clubs from the time we leave our dorm to check-in. For many students, school extends until the later hours of the night as we grind ourselves under the load of homework our teachers subject us to. The only “me-time” that we are able to indulge in is sleep, and for most students, this factor is severely lacking.
It’s undeniable that hanging out with other people drains you in some way. Whether it be talking, shouting, or singing, I always find myself tired after a long night out. It is undoubtedly fun, but when we are overworked and stretched, sometimes the last thing you want to do is go out to Grill and talk with your friends. The concept of a social battery exists because, at some point, you are done with having to listen to everyone laugh and talk. While it may be different for everyone, everyone will have a certain point when they just wish they could be alone.
That is not to say that you enjoy being alone. Nights spent alone in your room may be depressing at times but they are entirely different things. In a way, friendships are transactional. Our friends serve us as a way to have fun, a way to share, and a way to have a support system. But in spending time with them, you gradually give up more and more of your social battery, and the only way to replenish it is through time for ourselves alone, which most of us lack.
Exeter constantly pushes us and pulls us in different directions; towards classes, towards athletics, towards clubs, towards socials. We are asked to spread ourselves thin, and anything spread too thin is easier to tear. No matter how much we give, the external world fails to give anything truly replenishing back.
But we live in a culture, especially at Exeter, that admires this. We wear our schedules like badges of honor, boasting about how many things we’re juggling, how many people we are connected to, and how we’re always on the go. The busier we are, the more successful or accomplished we feel. Just wait until you burn out.
We don’t know how to live anymore without a gadget in our faces. We become so focused on the next thing, the next event, the next deadline, that we stop taking the time to sit still, to reflect. To be present in the moment. And we risk losing the essence of what makes life beautiful. We seize every opportunity we get, but we fail to seize the day. The impact of this constant busyness extends far beyond our own sense of well-being. As we stretch ourselves thin, we have less to give to our family, our friends, and our peers. When we say yes to everything, we dilute the quality of our time and energy. We leave ourselves unable to make connections. Instead, we wear different masks, hiding the real us behind the roles we play.
How many masks do you have? How many people in your life truly know you? Does anyone know the real you, not just the version of yourself you present? True connections form from being present, from showing up without distractions, and from investing time and attention into the people who matter most. So, in the end, do you know who you are?
Slow down. Find what truly matters and you’ll see how much you’re missing the whispers, the gestures, the small moments, and the subtle expressions that are drowned out in the flood of our daily lives. Appreciating the world isn’t a luxury, but a necessity. It’s about reclaiming the moments that matter, nurturing the relationships that bring us joy, and most importantly investing in ourselves so we can give our best to the people who matter most. Take care of your social battery.
We want to be seen for who we really are, not just in our titles, but in our hearts. But this requires us to create the space for others to see us, and for us to see them. The most meaningful relationships are built on presence, vulnerability, and the time spent together, from the depth of our interactions, not from the quantity of them. Because in the end, we all want to be known by the ones we love.
