Wentworth Hall Opens Doors to Success

Early last week, the youth of Wentworth were seen standing gathered along the brick steps at the flank of the glorious hall, gravitating around one point in particular in the center of the interior encircled by the railing. Passing by Webster, an observer could identify the object of their intrigue as the Dorm-Head, Mr. Campbell, and the large table saw over which he leaned. From the four-square court, a humming stridence could be heard resounding within the acoustic formed by the outer walls of the proximate dorms.

To one passerby’s surprise, the objective of this such congregation was no more complex or commonly unique than the manufacture of door-stops from a triangular prism sliced of lumber. The crowd thinned as the gentlemen filtered into the common room, a procession of bulls, each one carrying a door-stop with the seeming pride of this particular animal they profess to exemplify.

 “I just don’t check-in early anymore,” commented a senior. A P.G. offered his criticisms: “While it makes a lot of sense in theory, in practice, it falls flat due to the obvious drawbacks, including the noise, I usually go to bed early and now I just can’t.”

Presently renowned for its streak dodging major disciplinary action, the hall is now piloting a policy requiring that doors remain propped open between the hours of eight and ten in the evenings. This is intended to “encourage community,” as one new Lower remarked; “I just don’t check-in early anymore,” commented a senior. A P.G. offered his criticisms: “While it makes a lot of sense in theory, in practice, it falls flat due to the obvious drawbacks, including the noise, I usually go to bed early and now I just can’t.”

We cannot produce the sufficient restraint to hold back our tongues lest we declare that Wentworth Has Introduced a New Visitations Policy to Mind the Safety & Security of Its Own Members in Their Own Company.

The Wentworth hallways have never been quieter.