Things to Do on Principal's Day

Take a long 5a.m. stroll with your favorite loved one, contemplating life.

Hang out in the DSL.

Go to Boston. Wait, why is everyone jaywalking? There’s a hay market? Are there really this many colleges and none that want me? Realize that Boston kind of sucks.

Find a way to get a dickie.

Go swimming and get eaten by a fish.

If you’re one of those kids who plays that boat game, go erging. Erg It’s all you do anyway.

Spend a few hours on your 333, resulting in a decent three sentences.

Do absolutely nothing and then regret it the next day, but it’s okay because the next next day you don’t have to do anything anyway and you can regret that one.

Organize the adirondacks into a circle to make people think you have friends.

Organize the adirondacks into a circle and host a seance.