Local Girl Sells Soul for Hamilton

Last weekend, a student sold her soul for tickets to the perpetually-sold out Broadway hit, Hamilton. Witnesses have told The Exonian that they saw the student meet with the devil in D^2, whisper things in his ear, shake his hand and receive tickets and a pamphlet from him.When we reached out to the alleged Broadway sinner, she told us that, “Yes, it’s true. I sold my soul for Hamilton tickets. But I mean—I figure suffering and death is unavoidable anyway, so why not get to see our founding fathers bust some sick rhymes while I’m still here.”We then reached out to the devil himself for commentary. He told us, “You know what, yeah, I’m the devil, but even I can recognize talent—and Lin-Manuel Miranda is a genius. He’ll probably end up in Heaven, but if he does go to Hell, I won’t sentence him to eternal damnation—I’ll sentence him to eternal JAM-nation. “Washington On Your Side” is a frickin bop.”We at The Exonian can’t really blame the student and the devil. Yes, sinning is probably bad. And yes, eternal damnation doesn’t sound pleasant. But have you heard “Right Hand Man”? It’s probably worth it.