Seniors Complain About Preps
Exeter has been evolving rapidly the past few years, but not everyone has kept up with the constant stream of changes happening at this school. In particular, seniors have had an increasingly hard time adjusting to every new development.
“So many things have changed since I was a naive prep,” one senior mused, sitting out in a rocking chair watching preps and lowers laugh and dawdle on the lawn in front of the library. “The old dress code was abolished, 333 is now 430, the library now always smells weird, so many changes.”
Though that senior may have taken the developments mostly in stride, many of his peers have been less tolerant.
“Exeter is so messed up these days, man.” One senior commented, tutting softly over her mug of tea. When prompted to elaborate on the cause of this “messed-up-ness,” the senior named a number of factors, from global warming to the illuminati and then, her eyes widening, the newest generation of preps at Exeter.
“They’re sleazy. I don’t like them at all,” she said. “The classes coming in after us have gradually gotten lower and lower in quality, culminating in the horridness of the class of 2019.”
Other seniors agreed with her, blaming younger generations for a tainted Exeter. “Kids these days do everything all wrong,” one senior claimed. “Whereas we used to look at our phones during class by keeping them on our laps, new lowerclassmen look at their phones blatantly on the table. On the table! Some of them don’t even hide their phones behind a textbook or anything!”
A different senior echoed his sentiments. “Back in my youth, preps could only complain once, on Facebook, about wanting Principal’s Day, before being savagely destroyed. Nowadays, they whine all the time and because there are so many of them doing it, none of us can keep up and invalidate their struggles.”
“We used to only hiss when Dean Cos came onto the assembly stage,” another senior said. “But now we have to hiss almost every single assembly because some prep thinks it’s a good idea to stand up before being dismissed. I mean, who do they think they are? Real human beings?”
Some seniors also added that Exeter Confesses has ruined Exeter in recent years alongside the havoc lowerclassmen have wreaked. “The conservatives never existed before Exeter Confesses. Then Jon Snow created that monstrosity and so many regular Exonians have turned conservative. It’s a crisis in our good, liberal community,” one senior snarled. “How dare they act in such a disgusting, repulsive manner in front of impressionable, young minds!”
Other seniors targeted their dislike more towards Exeter Compliments than Exeter Confesses. “The preps and lowers have it so easy now,” one senior claimed. “We used to have to message Phillips Exeter Compliments to praise someone, but nowadays youngsters have the privilege of complete anonymity.”
Evidently, many seniors have a great distaste for what Exeter is like today. Not much can be done about it, however, since they are all passing on to the next stage after this.
“I’ll be gone soon,” one senior lamented. “So the Class of 2017 better get ready to do what we do, though I doubt that they’ll be even half as good as we’ve been.”
Despite the grumblings of the class of 2016, the class of 2017 has already shown promising signs of being very, very good seniors. One rising senior told us, “I’ve lived through ‘Why so gendered?’, a new principal, the cancelling of Jazz Brunch, the fear of Ebola, here, in New Hampshire and so many other big events that the preps have never experienced and never will experience. Kids these days.”