Ghostbusters at Exeter for Cage

The Exonian has recently been informed by PMac herself that the administration will be hiring the Ghostbusters squad to help with the destruction of the Thompson Cage. The Cage, as it’s most popularly known, is soon to be rid of once and for all. Because, as most people are aware, the Cage is plagued by a demonic presence, the Ghostbusters crew will be present on campus for multiple months.

The Ghostbusters will participate in regular campus activities like classes, eating at the dining hall, Model UN, and making awkward eye contact with faculty at classes. “We never went to high school,” stated Bill Murray. “It was straight from middle school to ectoplasm school for us!” Murray leaned in. “It’s technically against the law. We’ve been on the run from the feds for the majority of our lives. I have kids all over the country.”

Furthermore, the Ghostbusters attempted to participate in sports. Unfortunately, three people died.

The Ghostbusters have informed journalists of The Exonian of the many risks that would face Exonians if the Ghostbusters were not there to protect them. “Everyone would be in deep, deep trouble.” Every single buster of ghosts seemed to agree with this statement. “First would come the flickering of lights. Whenever you went to illuminate the bedroom, the light would flicker for 15 seconds before remaining an actual steady stream of light. After you’re done dealing with the dorm’s sketchy electricity, the ghostly happenings will start occurring.

The ghost of the Cage will make you feel hot. A stuffy hot. You’ll wonder how the room can feel so darn hot when it’s dead-cold in the middle of the winter, but it will happen.

Then you’ll start uncontrollably sneezing, coughing, and tearing up. It’ll practically be allergy season up in your nasal pasages, and all because the ghost stirred up the local, lingering dust.

And finally, you’ll lose all of your limbs. Every disaster that has ever occurred in the Cage will happen tenfold to you, ultimately resulting in a lot of heartbreak and a lot of purple elbows and two full lots of concussions.

So, if you encounter one of the Ghostbusters crew hanging around, thank them for their service and dedication. Then consider, as everyone already has many times, exactly what in the name of Dean Cos’ hair we are doing with our endowment.