Born in the Wrong Decade

Guys, I have a problem. A big one. Today’s fashion trends just do not reflect who I am on the inside. Unlike all the other teenagers, I do not listen to Ariana Grande and Calvin Harris. Instead of playing on my phone I go outside and read poetry. In short, I firmly believe that I was born in the wrong decade.

So where does this leave my old soul? After extensive research (over twenty minutes worth) I determined that I should have lived in Ancient Rome.

My political views completely align with that of poorer Romans. Any candidate who gives out wheat all willy nilly is a candidate that understands my personal needs. Of course I did decide yesterday that I would try out a gluten-free diet, but everyone has a cheat day, right? And let’s not forget that time Emperor Caligula tried to make his horse a consul. I’m a huge horse person as it is, but this also demonstrates Caligula’s commitment to giving animals an equal say in society. (I mean that was the point of Animal Farm, right?)

Just like some of the wealthy Roman women throughout those hundreds of years, I take crushed ant eggs and smear them on my eyebrows to ensure that I am always looking on point. (I prefer to go all natural. It’s part of the reason I avoid things like pills and certified doctors.) At one point it was treason for a commoner to wear purple clothing. And for good reasoning. That color absolutely does not look good on everyone. I have nearly the same opinion on anything that’s left-handed. If someone is a lefty it’s a sign that they are sinister.

And finally, I should have lived back then because of all the career choices. It was really hard to choose between priestess and lamp maker.

So if you have a time machine, hit me up. I’ll be sitting a tree, pensively waiting for someone to notice how mysterious I am.