Students Realize Sports Are Pass/Fail

Some students were shocked this last Tuesday when a revealing discovery was made by some of the leaders of the school sports community. It caused uproar among sports teams from prep crew to varsity lacrosse. No, it was not an uproar due to a real issue, like gender inequality in sports here on campus. Instead, the shock spread throughout the campus was because of an incredible finding: sports are pass/fail.

A representative from the girls’ varsity basketball team told us, “We were completely shocked. All this time, we thought ball was life. But maybe, just maybe, studying for math is life.”

The girl wiped a tear from her cheek.

A representative from boys’ varsity football, however, had a different perspective. He told us, “Wow, I’m sure glad sports aren’t graded, because if they were, the whole team would have some explaining to do to their parents.”

It is hard to know what this discovery means for the future of sports at Exeter. With every new prep class comes new prep spaz try hards, with every new PG comes yet another football player taking themselves way too seriously and with every new lower comes another person thinking, “Hmm, maybe I’ll try crew.” Hopefully, however, we can all learn to get along, and the football team can learn to score.