Quotes of Our Past Glorious Leader, The Ex-Editor-in-Chief of The Exonian

“I’d rather have a robot than a socialist” in reference to Rubio.

“What’s the button for ‘undo’?”

“Do y’all know how to bold?”

“Uh, none of the italics have bold.”

“uuuuughughuguhuuguhughuguuhuguughughuguhghuguuuuuuhunnnnnnnnnn.”

“This worked”

“Well, I need to undo a lot of stuff and then redo it all.”

His ring tone is “by the seaside.”

“Alan, you need to eat the pizza. We spent so much money on the pizza.”

“I’m going to find a really cute quote and use it.”

“2016, right?”

“Red fish, blue fish, Cesar Zamudio.”

“Just replace his head with a bowl of salad.”

“Alan, wait! I still need you. Alan, no.”

“That actually warmed my heart.”

“I love my body. I’m narcissistic.”

“Think of all the wood that went into that, Nolan.”

“I like shoes because I don’t have to walk on the concrete which is sometimes hot.”

“It’s a me as in ‘Philip Kuhn’ problem.”

“Why am I scrubby?”

“I don’t know what it is, but I don’t like it.”

“We’re not doing a mirror selfie.”

“I’m a writer and I know it.”