Jeb Bush & George Bush vs. Alice Ju & Rebecca Ju

Though John Ellis Bush’s withdrawal from the 2016 presidential race officially marked the end of the Bush Dynasty, the fall of the Bush Regime took place over the course of years. In fact, many people predicted this slow death a long time before it happened, though they only divulged this information and their apparent brilliant foresight once the demise had actually transpired. Despite their raucous hypocrisy, these soothsayers help us use our hindsight to see where John Ellis (and subsequently all the Bushes, though Barbara, of course, is absolved from any blame) went wrong, so future powerful families can take notes and be sure to rule forever.

In fact, one of these families seems to be right here at Exeter: the Jus. Their dynasty is eerily similar to the Bushes. The first rose to power, then another President passed through, allowing some time for them to quietly amass more power, and then finally the second came into office as well.

The only difference between these two families is that Alice Ju and Rebecca Ju are sisters, while George H.W. and George W. are father and son. Perhaps Rebecca is Alice’s daughter, but that is so statistically unlikely that this possibility can be ruled out altogether.

So how come Rebecca could ascend to the throne when John Ellis couldn’t?

The immediate answer to this question is that the Bushes are from Andover. In fact, their education (or lack thereof) explains a lot of things. However, it is not the only reason why John Ellis couldn’t get anywhere.

The biggest reason why John Ellis’ campaign floundered was because he never came up with a pun to get his audiences going. Whereas Rebecca had “#ju’ve got my vote,” all John Ellis had was “Jeb!.” Now, “Jeb!” really doesn’t do anything at all for voters, especially when he looks like he’s just realized he’s not his mother’s favorite whenever Donald John even so much as looks his way.

Another reason why John Ellis’ campaign failed was because he had an affinity for handing out turtles to small children. While this would definitely work if life was a movie (in fact, it’d be the part where the music swells and the main character realizes that they can still win the race just by being genuine and showing voters their true self), it resonates as awkward and strange in real life. When Rebecca ran her campaign, she never handed out turtles to small children (as we know of). Instead, she chose to remain a healthy distance away from her voters and eventual subjects. The key to winning any political race is to be Beyonce. Many campaign managers will emphasize how important it is to never let anyone know that you are anything less than a god.

Ultimately, these were the three reasons why the Bush dynasty came to a close. Here’s to hoping that the Ju dynasty never does.