Gap Years
By this time most seniors have received all of their college admissions decisions. Those who are committed will be going to Harvard, Yale, Brown and any other Ivy because only Ivies exist. Of those who are not committed, some will be taking gap years. The list of currently known “gappers” is as follows:
Caroline del Real—Unbeknownst to many of her peers, Caroline is a passionate “World of Warcraft” player. Often described as a “lady in the street and a freak with an axe head,” she spends the majority of her study hours destroying Horde n00bs. Her weekends are typically spent LARPing in Boston, so it’s no surprise that her gap year will be spent immersing herself in the WoW world. Not only will she be taking courses in orc and blood elvish, but she will also participate in gaming competitions. Through this she might be able to earn back all the money she spent on her premium subscription. “For years I’ve known that my talents weren’t based in the real world. With World of Warcraft I can now prove it,” proclaims Caroline. Her parents must be so proud.
Caroline Sullivan—Because she is such an absolute ray of sunshine, Caroline 2 will use the next year to work as a Wal-Mart greeter. When asked if she was taking the job because it embodied non-sibi, Caroline 2 responded, “Not really.” She went on to explain that all she really wanted was extra time to practice her favorite sport, yoga as meditation. She said, “I hope to make varsity at the next school I attend.” Well, Caroline 2, good luck with that.
Sean Taylor—Next year you will be able to find Sean awkwardly lingering outside of Soule. He will take up residence in a combination of cheap hotel rooms, trees by the stadium, and faculty children’s outdoor playhouses. “The faculty and I have a close relationship. I don’t want to lose touch with my favorite teachers,” explained Sean. That being said, his backup plan for meals—in case he gets kicked out of the dining hall-— is to take dorm check-in snack. “I’ve been making a rotation around the dorms these past couple weeks to figure out who brings the best food when,” informed Sean. “But sometimes you have to fight the dorm members for the food. Lamont preps tend to have a pretty hard right hook.” Sean eventually broke down into tears. “I just feel like I’m peaking,” he sobbed, “I worry that I will never be this cool again.” Well, Sean, you might be right. But cheer up! You have a whole ‘nother year to write for humor.
Joe Bartkovich—Lastly, we have Joe. Taking the phrase “gap year” literally, he plans to use the 2016-2017 school year to work at Gap. “I will hopefully be able to work my way up the ladder and become a Gap model,” shared Joe. “If that doesn’t work out, then at least Gap has a great term abroad program with Baby Gap.”