Exeter Debate Society Agrees, Disbands
A strange, beautiful silence has stolen over the PEA campus. Students’ talks have changed from sharp, defensive protests to dull, casual chatter. Faculty no longer scold lunch groups for being too loud. Tryhards with a bedtime of 9:45:00 p.m. aren’t being kept up by dormmates yelling in the next room over. Many Exonians have asked questions such as “Where did all the noise go?” and “Why is life suddenly so wonderful?” Well, the answer might come as a surprise: Exeter’s Daniel Webster Debate Society (DWDS) has disbanded.
Debaters were locked in a heavy argument debate last term over whether or not DWDS took up too much time. After one speaker collapsed from exhaustion--a tactic onlookers admired for its commitment—the opposing side admitted that “Okay, maybe Debate Society uses up too much of our schedule.”
Shortly after the statement was made, club leaders terminated Daniel Webster Debate Society. “It was really a combination of things,” stated Bokyoung “BK” Kim, Director of Daily Operations. “For one, if everyone thought that DWDS required extraneous amounts of responsibility then we might as well get rid of it. Two, the fact that we came to an agreement on something was huge. No one disagreed. No one said something controversial just for that extra rush of adrenaline. Nothing. And finally, just between you and me,” whispered BK, “I’m sick of debating the smallest things. Who gets to sit in what seats, who boards the bus first, who is allowed to breathe…You know, those details.”
Not everyone felt as calm as BK. “Now how am I going to get into college?” worried one distraught Exonian that also wrote for The Exonian and participated in Model UN.
Likewise, Mock Trial, Math Club, PEAN and every single ESSO club has been flooded by Exonians rushing to fulfill their extracurricular quota. “Now that DWDS, disbanded I’m all about non sibi,” stated a new ESSO member.
“I’m free,” cried Betty Luther-Hillman, history instructor and Debate Society adviser. “Those kids have been holding me hostage this entire time.” As it turns out, leaders of DWDS had been forcing faculty to deal with and manage the club.
Emily Robb, another Director of Daily Operations, told The Exonian, “No one actually wanted to work with a crowd of loud, stubborn teenagers. So in 1781 we started capturing the teachers. Because debate members have a tendency towards opting and yoga, the debaters typically charge in herds of 20-30. Organizing this event is actually the sole purpose of my role.”
In short, the disbanding of Daniel Webster Debate Society proved to be beneficial for the whole Exeter campus. Who would have known? (For DWDS’ sanity, do not respond.)