Athlete of the Week
Warren “George” Michael, pass/fail opportunist and health class Harkness warrior, has just added another achievement to his working college app. This term, Michael is amongst a select few student-athletes beginning their third term of the athletic hellscape that is Prep Spaz. Most students shudder at the reminder of the 8 a.m. sprints across Court Street–but to Michael, Spaz is worth it.
“People really hype up Varsity Spaz, but I can definitely handle this. It’s tougher than my PE classes back home, but I know the dodgeball bruises are badges of honor,” Michael said, completely unprompted.
These Varsity Spazzers are not the crowd of preps that roll out of Elm at precisely 8:07 every Monday morning wearing the same sweatpants they fell asleep in. No, the preps registered in the Varsity Spaz program are dedicated, enthusiastic and just all-around savage.
Even amongst Varsity Spazzers, Michael’s intensity is unrivalled. While most preps in Spaz are there because they slept through JV LAX tryouts, Michael chose not to stoop to that level, bravely electing to step up to the challenge that so many of his classmates refused to face. Michael, who his fellow preps have described as “conservatively wild,” “soccer-mom sketchy,” and “that kid cut from diving” says he “chose the Varsity Spaz life.”
How did Michael first get involved in Spaz? “When I first got here, a lot of people asked me, ‘Do you even lift?’ and I realized that, no I actually don’t lift. I decided that needed to change.” And change he did. Last summer, Michael chugged entire liters of Pepsi while wasting away on the couch. Now, he works out for a full hour, then wastes away in the common room for the rest of the double block. “Spaz has had such a huge impact on me. I think I can finally feel a two-pack coming in.”
Of course, an Olympian like Michael can’t help but be disappointed by his peers’ lack of energy. “It’s a bummer. They always say stuff like, ‘It’s 8 a.m.! I can’t run!’ even though it’s 8:30 and we’re playing tennis.” But Michael doesn’t let this get him down. “I always tell the coaches when the other guys don’t run the quarter mile. I’m honest. I’m not here to bum around. This isn’t fall term. I’m completely dedicated to the Spaz life.” This couldn’t be more true.
After his third pit stop at the water fountain, Michael tightens his laces, pulls on his headband and gets to work. “When Coach Mills tells us to do ten pushups, I always look him right in the eye and say, ‘I can do eleven.’”
Michael is a rare case of true athleticism, work ethic, and leadership. There are rumors floating around the locker rooms about Michael becoming the first prep to snag the Goodwin Award at the end of the year.
What’s the secret to his talent? “I wear my running shoes and Webster sweatshirt to bed, so when I wake up at 7:30, I’m ready to run over to Elm and eat a mug of whipped cream with a spoon to get me going.”
When the scheduler informed him that he couldn’t continue Prep Spaz next year, Michael refused to take it lying down. He responded in an email that read, “I got recruited for this. You can’t stop me!!!!!”
“I actually reapplied to Exeter as a prep, and I got in. Nothing can keep me away from the Spaz life. Nothing.” In the future, Michael plans on pursuing Spaz professionally.