Likely Future of Most Exonians

A piece of fascinating news crossed my newsfeed earlier this week. It was about an incident that occurred in the most illustrious and law-abiding of our states: Florida.On a generally crimeless morning, an innocent citizen was driving along the highway on her way to work when she noticed something that shocked her to the very core. Feeling the peace-keeping adrenaline pumping through her hands and lower arms, she tightened her grip on the wheel, took an energizing sip of her sweet iced coffee, dropped her horn-rimmed sunglasses down over her eyes and jammed her foot hard on the pedal. She stared through her windshield, eagle-sharp eyes focused on the small silver car, pushing 90 mph through the tranquil, crime-free Florida countryside.She growled like Jacob from Twilight and pushed the pedal even further, limbs shaking with soccer mom rage as she neared the offending vehicle. Under her breath, she began to whisper in her anger. How dare he disturb the beauty of Florida? She would have him arrested. She would have him fined!She drew parallel to the silver car, smacking her lips in victory as she saw it turn, swerve, and pull over on the side of the highway. Pulling up behind it, she straightened her blazer, quickly gelled back her hair, took three Buddhist meditative breaths, and climbed out of her car.“Hello, sir.” she said, leaning over to tap at the driver’s side glass. The man inside the car rolled the window down and gave her a polite smile.“Ma’am, are you all right?” he said.“Am I all right?” she asked, incredulous. “Sir, the reason I pulled you over today is because I saw you all the way since Miller Drive, and you’ve been speeding.”“Excuse me, ma’am?” the man said, raising his crime-ridden, delinquent eyebrows. “I’m a cop. I’m on my way to work.”She felt the blood beneath her well-moisturized skin begin to boil like an egg just before dinner salad. This nasty rascal, this rampant criminal, this menace to society was a police officer? In the employ of the state? The gas this awful man was using to break the law was paid for by her taxpayer dollars? She felt herself losing control. And in the greatest moment of weakness of her life, a piercing shriek escaped her law-abiding throat. With perfect posture and sharp, peaceable fingernails, she ripped the cop’s badge from his chest.“Not anymore you’re not, you crook! You rapscallion! You- you- you scalawag! Get out me car! I’m taking your job, fiend! I’m the cop now!”*Based on a true story. Read “Woman stops Florida cop for speeding: ‘The reason I pulled you over today...’” in The Washington Post.