A Comprehensive Guide to (Another) Valentine’s Day

1.  Origin: A Saint named Valentine was killed on this day for being a Christian. Isn’t that cute?2.  Reason it still exists: Was only way to have romance before Netflix and Holding Hands.3.  Gifts: For girls: chocolate and flowers. For guys: chocolate and flowers.4.  Is it religious: Not anymore. Started out as a Christian religion, but transformed into a worldwide one. Like Christmas.5.  Does date of celebration change: Nope. February 14. Not that I care. I didn’t even notice that I was single on Valentine’s Day. Not at all. I’m so alone.6.  How to celebrate: Treat your loved one to brunch/watch the NBA all-star game.7.  Pick-up line: Are you a research paper? Because I got a B on you.8.  People who dread it: Single people. Also people in relationships. Everyone.9.  It’s easy to notice it’s Valentine’s Day because: The entire world goes pink. Like Trident or Pepto-Bismol pink. It’s like a seven-year-old took over the world.10.  What is love: 24 hours of voice messages from relatives who just want you to know how much you have blossomed.11.  What you’ll feel when it’s over: The pain of loneliness. Or the pain of not being alone. Straight Pain.12.  Canadian version: NHL playoffs (April 13-June 14).