Some Things I’ve Learned from School Dances

1. Wear black. If someone touches me it’ll be a sweaty surprise.

2. I’m so short that I get more squished than Martin O’Malley in the polls.

3. The most uncomfortable eye contact I ever made occurred at a dance.

4. Awkward shuffling back and forth is the only way to begin.

5. How to (almost) whip and watch me nae nae.

6. At some point, the boys’ varsity basketball team will show up.

7. And they’ll step on me.

8. Drink water first so I’m not thirsty. (To which RC asked, “Don’t you want to be thirsty?...”)

9. I’ll always get to see boys’ cross country’s legs.

10. My heart rate is going faster than that time I slipped on the ice and nearly pulled everything I could pull in my body.

11. At some point, they’ll play a song I’ve never heard and everyone will start screaming and I’ll be confused and desperately trying to mouth the words I don’t know.

12. Hardcore jumping is great. Time for track to put their #skillz to use.

13. I’m gonna be having fun, then suddenly think about my looming physics test, and briefly turn down faster than my grade after Ball-In-Cup.

14. But then I’ll turn up again because I didn’t get stepped on!

15. Then there’s that horrible moment when they turn the lights on and mascara is everywhere and everything is coming apart and I finally see everyone’s true colors.