R.C. and Ahmad’s Very Own Life Advice Column Part 1
Sup guys. We are the most savage roommate pair on campus. We felt it necessary, in the spirit of non sibi, to share with the world the tips and tricks that we’ve picked up during our time here. We will be bombarding you with excellent advice regularly, and if you ever have any questions that you need help with, feel free to contact us. This week we’re answering a set of questions our avid followers have sent us.Hey guys! There’s this girl I really wanna ask to EP, but I don’t know how. How do you guys do it? Well, our personal favorite is through Facebook. First, you find out her first and last name and then find her Facebook profile. Add her as a friend. Once she accepts, go through every single one of her photos until you reach the middle school photos-that’s when it becomes weird. You need to do this to really know this person before asking them to EP. Instead of doing homework, spend that 50 minutes learning everything you can about them. Remember- it’s not stalking unless you do it during the day. After we’ve done that, we usually come up with some line to make the ladies swoon over our wit. Our favorites are:“Hey _____, on a scale from 1-America how free are you for ep tonight?”“Hi-dee-ho neighbor would u diddlee-do me a favor and take me to ep?”“7s if you don’t come with me to ep”-(for proctors)Then again, you could take the less weird route and ask them in person. Walk up to that special someone, do the good ol’ snap ‘n point, and all just say “EP?”. That shows confidence and social prowess and gets ‘em every time. What do you guys wear to EP?Always go big. EP is pretty much a weekly prom. Whip out the tuxedo. Make sure your hair is gelled back. Wear the fanciest dress shoes you can. Always dress to impress. Once again, you’ll be oozing with confidence and your knowledge of social norms will blow your date’s mind. What do you do during EP?As soon as you sit down, grab your date by the hands. Look straight into her eyes. Whisper as loudly as you can, “your happiness is my main priority”. Then keep staring at her eyes. Don’t say a word. Just stare. There’s no such thing as ‘awkward’. Keep staring until the music starts. If Rev finally says, “Welcome to Evening Prayer”, wrap the arm nearest your date around her shoulders. Then pull her close. As close as you can. This personal touch will demonstrate your romantic capabilities and her heart will be yours. She’s not responding to my texts… WHAT DO I DO?The best thing to do is send emojis. A lot of emojis. From our experience, the best ones to send are the pink hearts with the golden stars in front. If it’s been two hours since your last text and she hasn’t responded, send 4 hearts. Two hours later, send 8. Keep sending exponentially more until she finally picks up the phone and responds. It’ll be perfect and amazing and she will love you forever.If you have any questions, feel free to direct them to anywhere other than arahman@exeter.edu or rmcshane@exeter.edu