Our Very Own Life Advice Column, Part 2

I’ve gotten into this socialite phase recently and am trying to get back out. Can you guys remind me how to make friends? Exeter has removed my ability to interact with other human beings...

Well first things first is you gotta start with this line. “Hi my name is ____. I’m not weird.” Follow up immediately with the strong firm handshake, and bring your other hand to their elbow, to make it more personal.  Wait a good second and stare them in the eyes. Then bring your hand to their shoulder.  Give their shoulder a good squeeze and say hi again for good measure. After that lift your hand to their face and just hold it there till your arm gets tired. And now they’re your friend. Make sure you say that to them. “We’re friends now.” Say that.  You’ll definitely out of your bubble of solitude in no time.

MY EARLY APPLICATIONS WERE DUE A WEEK AGO!!! WHAT DO I DO?????

It’s ok. It’s gonna be alright. College doesn’t matter. Your future doesn’t matter. Your parents will still love you. Your social status here won’t be decided by what college you get into. You’ll still have friends.

Here’s my advice.  At the end of the day, you might as well start your senior spring.  Right now. Go play frisbee.  Make fun of some preps. Go set up a cot at Stillwells. Stop working out and let that dad bod come back. Which leads me to my next point.

My physique is pretty bad right now. How can I get back to shirtless prof pic status?

Time for you to hit up stillwells on a nightly basis my friend. The thing is, being in shape isn’t really the in thing. Like I stated early the ‘dad bod’ is the way to go. Let that non-alcoholic fattening beverage belly grow out. Ask your parents to put your college savings (cuz like i said, who cares? It’s just college) in your grill account and go crazy. Another way to go is hit up dominos. Every night. Every. Night. And if any point during this process you gain the urge to run or workout. Lie down and wait for it to go away.

If you have any questions, feel free to direct them to anywhere other than arahman@exeter.edu or rmcshane@exeter.edu