How to Win at College Apps: Part 1

Look to your left. Now look to your right. What do you see? If you’re in Grill, it’s probably Preps for as far as the eye can see. Now what do you not see? That’s right—Seniors. In the cool days of Senior Fall, the only places you’ll find Seniors are holed up in the library passed out over their AP [insert complex class here] textbook, or frantically typing out a college essay that they hope their college counselor will deem passable. To alleviate the stress of our fellow Seniors who are inevitably putting off college apps like they have learned to do with everything else at Exeter, here are Humor’s suggestions on how to attack the most common college essay questions that you will encounter.What five words best describe you?Ah, of course. This is the most basic of the basic college essay questions. Regardless, the best way to attack this question is through honesty. There really are no wrong answers. Ask yourself, “What five words best describe ME?” If words and phrases such as “lazy,” “bad at math,” “loves hazing,” “doesn’t peel their cheese sticks,” and “supports Donald Trump,” best describe you, then so be it! Colleges will appreciate your honesty, and will definitely accept you.Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences.Now this one is a little harder. While your first instinct may be to write about something that sounds meaningful like how you started an ESSO club to save the [insert animal you’ve never seen] in [insert obscure country], or how you founded a charity to benefit underprivileged [insert specific population group] by giving them [insert generic necessity] with your parent’s money. What you really need to do, however, is to bring it down to a personal level. Talk about personal accomplisments, like how you’ve gotten Illegal V’s more times than anyone else in your dorm, or how you currently hold the record for the longest amount time that any sane human has gone without taking out the trash. That’s the stuff colleges love.What historical moment or event do you wish you could have witnessed?This one is easy. Most applicants will spend valuable hours debating whether they should capitalize on the Civil Rights Movement or reference a Supreme Court Case they just googled. The best thing to do, however, is to stand out in the applicant pool by picking something unique. Instead of writing about something ridiculous such as the moment when women won the right to vote, pick something that your reader will remember when he tosses your file into the “Yes” pile, such as the construction of the Berlin Wall or the inauguration of Chairman Mao. Remember, always go against the flow—it will be the strongest salmon that gets the fat envelope.Until next week, Exeter.