Exeter Workload Not That Difficult, According to Preps

EXETER, NH—It seems like Phillips Exeter Academy, a private institution once famous for its students’ immense workloads, has lost that reputation. “I came to this school for a challenge,” new prep Steven Fischer said as he relaxed on a couch in Agora, watching the countless waves of other preps. “It’s really underwhelming, the workload. It’s a lot easier than people made it out to be.”

Even those enrolled in Exeter’s supposedly most demanding courses had to agree. “Latin isn’t that hard,” first-year prep Bobby Carter said, eyeing us languidly while he sipped a Stillwells frappe on one of Swasey Parkway’s benches. “Everyone seems to think that it will ruin your GPA, but I really don’t see what all the fuss is about,” he revealed to us in between slurps. “Heck, I didn’t study for any of my tests fall term and I still got a Pass squared,” he added, punctuating his remark with a particularly poignant gulp. By the time we thought to admonish this youngster for using profanity in such a delicate stage of youth, he had already trashed his cup and fled the scene.

“I can’t wait to take U.S. History. I’m looking forward to learning about America,” a third prep said, who wished to remain anonymous. She had just finished writing a two page history essay. “If it’s as easy as ‘The World in the 20th Century’ then I’m sure it’ll be really fun,” she yelled back to us while she hurried away to watch the latest episode of Dance Moms. Another prep complained that not only that she was too drowsy from getting “too much sleep,” but also that she always completed her homework before hopping into bed a good two hours before lights out. According to a fourth prep, Dennis Ritchie, “Comp Sci isn’t even that hard.”

It is clear to all that Exeter does not assign enough homework to engage the minds of the young intellectuals who attend the formerly world-renowned school. What steps Exeter’s administration must take to remedy this gaping issue remain to be seen.