How to Be a Person
So you’re graduating from Exeter. Your high school career is officially over. The definition of graduate is to successfully complete an academic degree, course of training, or high school (google). This definition implies that high school does not, in fact, count as “training” or “an academic degree.” It’s time to start those things now, to become a real person. But that can be scary, I know, that’s why I’m still an upper. But luckily for you, I have created a list of ways you can ease your transition into full-on personhood.
1. Graduate:
Congratulations! You’ve gotten here already. This is the first step into becoming a person. Most of us expected to graduate from high school one way or another, but now is the time society removes all of the safety nets-you gotta figure out your own path now.
2.Turn Eighteen:
Unless you’re an overachiever, most of you have already done this step as well. This is life’s way of saying, “Saddle up, brother trucker, it’s time to start.” It’s the day everyone says you’re ready to take care of yourself, so on your eighteenth birthday do all the wild and crazy things you couldn’t do before. Go ahead and get tried as an adult, sign up for eighteen-and-up tinder and swipe right on everyone, sign up for the draft, order a snuggie from the nice lady on htc, and go on disneychannel.com without parental permission.
3.Go to College Or Take a Gap Year:
This one seems obvious-you lack the skills and potentially the interests required to be a useful member of society. So what do you do? Go to college, see what’s out there in the world of NESCACs, uninhibited by the Exeter curriculum, finally standing up on top the harkness table and saying “No more!” Until that humanities requirement slams you back down and says "LOOK AT ALL OF THESE GENDER AND WOMEN'S STUDIES COURSES WE HAVE."
But if that doesn't sound good to you, you can always take a gap year. The benefit of a gap year is obvious. You might get to learn a new language, have a foreign romance (#marryme #katiecasado), and you might even find what your looking for. But really, the best part is you do it at the expense of your parents or Exeter, and it's another year you get to decide what you're gonna be.
Follow these simple steps and in no time you'll be changing the world. Because let's be honest, Exeter is close enough to a college education that you're prepared for anything. College is just extra. In fact, the best advice I can give you is just not to go to college. And I'm an upper, so I know what I'm talking about.