Prize Assembly Suggestions

This week, Dean Kim graced the Student Council with his presence to announce some changes to be made to the highly anticipated Prize Assembly at the end of the school year. While no prizes are being added or removed from the assembly, only the general prizes will be read in order to maximize student attendance and minimize time spent in the assembly hall (read: fire hazard). Naturally, we at the Humor Page have some alternative ways to encourage student attendance at Prize Assembly, and they mostly include the deans embarrassing themselves. We also think the deans should revamp the prizes given out, and we’ve listed some of these prizes below. 

The Hogoboom Prize for Photoshop

This prize goes out to the Exonian with the best photoshop skills in the Academy, proving that you don’t really need things to have happened if you want them “documented.” 

The Liptak Prize for Nothing

For the Exonian who gets credit for sitting around and doing her homework while others do real work.

The Snark Award

For the student who constantly tweets snarky things about the assembly speaker.

The Really Obscure and Difficult to Attain Award

For the student who is early cum laude, valedictorian, dorm proctor, e-proctor, student listener, Negley winner, StuCo president, Humor Page editor, member of the Discipline Committee and also has a family member who attended Exeter and graduated with those titles. 

The Diesel Award

For any Exonian who has been invited to Ewald Klatsch every year s/he has been at the Academy. 

The Exonian’s Most Mediocre Award

For the least impressive/read part of the page.