Let it Go: Why Frozen is Bad

As I sat in the Exonian office on Monday, I entered my fourth consecutive hour working on the April Fools’ Issue. Ben, having “finished” the “sports page,” took to rolling around on the desk chair, singing along to the inspirational work music we had playing in the background. No, it was not Beyonce, and no, it was not Mumford & Sons, like you all would expect we would listen to while working. Instead, Ben was singing both parts of the duet, “Love Is an Open Door” at the top of his lungs. Each time we came into the office to spend hours on the issue, Ben put on the soundtrack to the Oscar winning movie. But, like Forrest Gump, I happen to think Frozen is a terrible movie For the first time in forever, I actually walked out of this trainwreck. Surely, Disney was coming at me with something new. I had heard great reviews online and from my friends. “Best Disney movie since Hannah Montana: The Movie,” one friend assured me. No. Way. Could this be the Disney comeback we’d all hoped for? I mean, lets be honest, Cars 2 was the last good Disney/Pixar movie, with Planes coming in for a close second. Brave? I didn’t have the courage to go through that nightmare twice. Toy Story 3? There’s a reason they say sequels are always worse. So what was so bad about this movie? Well like I said, this movie was so cliche I couldn’t sit through it all. While it does have some interesting/unique moments (i.e foot size doesn’t matter, breaking the fourth wall), it was overall incredibly predictable. Clearly Ana would end up with, and be cured of, her iced-over heart by her loving fiancee, Hanz. By the time I was through the third quarter of the movie, I might as well have been rewatching it. What possibly could have changed in the course of thirty measly minutes? What was the point in continuing watching the travesty unfold? I stopped the movie because I just knew Hanzi would save Ana in typical Disney fashion. But what about the music? Don’t even get me started on the music. I have just one word for the “Wickedly talented Adele Dazeem.” Monotonous. Meaningless. Cliche. Arpeggio. Octave. Keys. Vibrato. Timbre. Pitch. Other music words. All bad. I can’t help but wonder if the musical director was even trying. Let it Go? How about let your job go? That goes for you, too, Head Composer Christophe Beck. I expected more. All in all, Frozen gets three stars out of five.