We Scream 4 Ice Cream
Tuesday night, Principal Tom Hassan sent out an email saying that he would provide “ a variety of special flavors that are the ultimate tribute to this season’s endless ice and snow.” He went on to say that he is doing this even though no student caught him not waving. Although this is a very very generous gesture, it also means two things: we are all failures. With nearly 1000 students and hundreds of grounds-keepers, teachers, and fac-brats, we should be able to watch this man’s every move. Now I’m not telling you to stalk our headmaster, but if you see him on campus open your eyes, stop texting and get everyone ice cream. I’m sick of trifle and soft serve, and I want the sundae bar. Now I understand Principal Hassan has been traveling, but if he has been on campus for even more than a week, we should be able to catch him. Seriously, Exonians are supposed to be the best and the brightest and we can’t even trick someone into not waving as he crosses the street? I say we can. What about non-sibi? Win a sundae party not just for yourself, but for everyone proud to say that he or she is a current Exonian! Step 1. Spot Mr. Hassan walking on campus.Step 2. Catch up to him.Step 3. Start small talk.Step 4. As you approach a road introduce yourself and shake his hand.Step 5. Gently, but firmly, shake his hand until you both cross the road.Step 6. Email him hours later and claim free ice cream. Also, I take the sundae party as an admission that Exeter is a heck-hole during winter term. Let’s be real at Exeter rules are rules (my teacher made that very clear when I showed up 20 minutes late and dicked me). The only reason that this school would give in and break the rules is pure sympathy. Mr. Hassan must know that all remaining hope for winter term has been depleted by the steady decrease in everyone’s GPA. The only thing that can fix that is ice cream, right? Wrong. Great, I’ll take some freezing cold dessert because it’s not like its cold enough outside. At this point the only thing that can boost Exeter morale is spring break and the institution of a Pass/Fail grading system for every term, not just prep fall.