Forrest Dump

Over the weekend, Ben and I procrastinated on our various upper duties like complaining, US History homework and antagonizing unsuspecting preps. Our activities were accomplished through one painful sitting of the worst movie of our generation: Forrest Gump. A movie that lasts three hours too many, Forrest Gump follows a socially awkward Southern man through the combined misadventures and adventures of America from 1944-1982. Forrest gets picked on as a kid, but finds solace in the daddy-issue ridden Jenny. Tom Hanks was, in our humble opinion, the biggest disappointment in cinema history. His normal emotion-filled performance let us down in the worst way. Whether it was championship ping pong, the Congressional Medal of Honor, the medical marvel of miraculous leg healing or a superhuman marathon, Hanks' aloofness was unimpressive. Plus, his Southern accent was entirely unbelievable and often felt forced throughout the film. The only thing the supporting characters supported were our terrible opinion of the film. Legs weren't the only thing Lieutenant Dan was missing. (Hint: it was talent.) The saving grace was the boy at the very end, Forrest's long lost love child that he had during one awkward romp with the elusive, hippie Jenny the one time she stayed in Alabama. We suspect that the casting directors chose wisely when selecting the kid from the Sixth Sense (a true work of art) to be in it. He was probably there because his Seventh Sense is saving viewers from cinematic disasters.