Diary of a Health (Center) Addict

Bad news Exeter: it’s winter term and noth- ing’s funny anymore. I’ve been sitting here all week, my cursor blinking, mocking me, as I try to think of new fads to give advice on or assem- blies to mock (although I haven’t been to one in weeks). At first I thought it was something simple. A temporary case of humor writer’s block, maybe. But as the week dragged on, I realized something was wrong as not a single idea had popped into my mind! Usually I’m sitting in math or bio or English or any of my classes doodling in my book and brainstorming humor article topics. To be honest, both my bio and my Russian notebooks are more filled with rough drafts and ideas for humor articles than they are with actual material for that class. But this week was different. This week was dark. However, over this unproductive week of failing to write a single humor article, I have had the time to dissect certain aspects of my life that I have accepted with the arrival of the heart of winter. While I could write these in the hypothetical, I just won’t because for the most part, the idea for me is true.I use and abuse the health center. After no vis- its to the health center during fall term, my first visit to the new health center this past December was a life-changing one. I often sit in my classes now and dream of the health center - sitting in the plush waiting room chairs and listening to the seductive vocals of various 90's artists, sleeping in the comfy cozy beds which are now equipped with inflammable sheets (or should I say, sheet), and “checking out” the cool looking jack-o-lantern in the lobby. I’ve “visited” the health center so often that I know how to work the nurses to get me two juices, toast with extra butter, and Puffs tissues plus lotion. With enough absences to need to scroll down to see my newest dickeys, and Ms. Hardej as the sender of the most Academy emails in my inbox, I now consider Lamont (Health and Wellness Center) to be my second dorm.With all of my VIP visits to the Health and Wellness Center (and not at the dining hall), I finally got out of my pajamas and finally stepped on the scale. And let me tell you first, Exeter, I am on the heavier side of thin and where I don’t want to be. Although the options at the dining halls leave something to be desired, (and that isn’t new), somewhere between extra butter and free refills, I’ve picked up this extra weight. Maybe it’s the two (or fifteen) bags of chips I ate last weekend. Maybe it’s because I’ve forgotten what the gym looks like. Maybe it’s the throwback box of Fruit By The Foot, Fruit Rollups, and Fruit Gushers I inhaled while writing this. No one really knows, and I am emotionally stable enough to make a hy- pothesis myself. High-waisted pants and leggings are becoming a staple of my wardrobe, and I may or may not have just placed an order on Amazon for some full body Spanx. Whatever, I can lose weight in spring, just like when I’ll get my grades up and make some friends.