Humor Page Surveys Popularity, Looks
On a scale of 0 to 10, how smart are you compared to other Exonians? How good looking? How popular?One hundred students were asked these questions and to identify with one of ten group options. Their choices ranged from Gun Club to Model UN, Early Cum Laude to the hockey team, Cilley seniors to Physics Club. An overwhelming majority of Exonians think more highly of themselves we would have ever dreamed, with the boys’ varsity hockey team and Cilley seniors easily topping the confidence charts.The Physics Club shocked us with the remarkably low scores they gave themselves; their average score was a 5/10.Their responses, however, were memorable to say the least. When asked about looks, one aspiring physicist colorfully added, in a provided comment section, “How do I put this? I have a character face. Something along the lines of Mussolini, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Mao Zedong combined.”Especially standout replies came from Cilley seniors, a fact we credit mainly to Humor Page editor Nick du Pont. The group as a whole believes, “We are some of the most modest people on this campus in regard to our intelligence.”However, one anonymous Cilley senior bucked the trend of humility, saying, “I am smarter than you… better than you… more popular than you.”Second only to the boys’ hockey team, the Cilley seniors polled group considers themselves the most intelligent on campus, with an average 10/10 on all three questions.These beautiful scholars all took time out of their busy schedules filled with arranging wardrobes full of clashing pastels and making college supplement videos about themselves to remind us how awesome they are. Most Cilley seniors can be reached for questions in front of or around a mirror.“It’s basically the chicken versus egg scenario. Which came first— Cilley or good looking guys?” another added.There are some groups on campus that warrant praise for their responses, though they will never be as dashingly handsome as Cilley.The intellectual wasteland of the Physics Club gave themselves a promising 9/10 intelligence average, but more scholarly societies around campus like the varsity hockey team blew them out of the water with a perfect 10/10.As it stands, we have no concerns about the self esteem levels of the hockey or football teams, with one hockey star boasting, “People move out of the way when I walk down the path.”One scholarly athlete complained of the challenges that come with being a model Exonian, stating, “I no play school, I play football,” and indicating that he often bangs his head against his locker.Some were confident in the academic abilities of athletes at Exeter, one claiming, “We get offers from Ivies.”The Gun Club, while not competitive athletically, considers themselves both popular and attractive, but lacking mental capacity. The average member is relatively popular among those staring down the barrels of their twelve-gauges, with a mean 9/10 popularity ranking among the whole club.They even tote skills stretching beyond their shooting range, with on member contending, “My milkshake brings ALL the boys to the yard.”These self-evaluations clearly prove the superiority of Exeter students; their confidence levels can only mean we’re smarter, prettier, and more popular than students in all other prep schools.