Assembly Incentives

With Assembly attendance at an all time low, the deans have decided to institute some new policies to encourage students to go to this allegedly required event. These policies are “Assembly rewards cards” and “Assembly Bingo.” The rewards cards will allow students to get their cards stamped after each Assembly. After ten weeks of perfect attendance, students will get their choice of a music Assembly, dance Assembly, or Faculty Follies (valid only after two years).“Assembly Bingo” is a fun game still in the making in which, if you fill in every square on an Assembly-themed bingo card, you win an undisclosed prize, probably an E&R gift card or something. The squares on the bingo card, instead of having numbers and letters, will contain prompts such as, “the speaker comments on how short Assembly is,” “someone asked a stupid and/or politically-charged question,” and the Free Space, “prep gets up before speaker says, ‘senior class.’”All of you will receive your rewards cards in P.O. on Monday, so keep and eye out and go to Assembly! Or don’t.