My New Life as an Urban Farmer
Two Days PriorI’m not content with being “just friends.” “Eco-friendly” is for people who pretend to recycle but throw away water bottles and feel guilty about it. No, if I truly care about the environment, “eco-friendly” is not enough. I must cultivate a passionate and tumultuous relationship with the environment, culminating in our timely elopement as the ice caps melt around us.Tuesday, during AssemblyThis lady looks like she’s got the right idea, and also is not in any way insane. Lessons learned from her talk: pigs smell like s***, and it’s okay to swear in front of the entire Exeter population as long as it’s in the name of the environment. Divest, everyone!10am.Ordered four ducklings and a small Pakistani boy off Amazon.10:30am.Ducklings shipped, Pakistani boy out of stock, will be available May 20th.11am.Math test. Reject the paper test booklet because trees are killed in the process of making them. Reject the use of pencil for same reason. Reject the offer of mechanical pencil because oil is used to make petroleum which is used to make plastic which is used to make mechanical pencils. Reject the use of calculus because I do not understand it.12pm, lunch.Go to dining hall with friends, insist on digging through dining hall’s garbage, friends promptly leave/declare friendship over. Quality of garbage surprisingly good, arguably better than dining hall food. In addition, found Matt Daiter hiding among the trash.1:40pm.Feeling sick, not sure why. Dick class to go to Health Center. They provide me with toast, I instead demand two young suckling pigs. Health Center recommends me to the counseling office.UnifreeCheck P.O. Ducklings have not yet arrived, but I receive my math test. Grade: E (for environment!)4:15, G format freeWhat’s a girl gotta do to get herself some bees? Answer: break into Mr. Chisholm and Ms. Rankin’s classrooms and find rows and rows of bees in little storage containers. Weird how they’re all labeled male/female, thought there was only one female (thought there was only one queen bee?) Uri Tayvah walks in. “What are you doing with our flies?” he says.5:10, Philosophy class.Everything proceeds as usual.