Bucket List

There are four weeks left of school. Soon a third of my devoted readers will never again get to experience the wonders of this school. But, rather than look at it that way, think about all that you have left to do in these four weeks. I know for sure that not a single senior has done everything that could be done on campus. So here’s a bucket list of top ten must-dos that you "must do" before you graduate... hence the name.

1. Dick a class: If you have never dicked a class, you have never lived life on the edge. It’s bold, yet not bold at all, because you can always say you accidently slept through. Anyway, the weather is nice, girls are tanning on the quad, and much basketball/C-ball/foursquare is being played. How could you say no to all those attractions? So dick an afternoon class.

2. Join the Harkness Society: You know, get into an argument because of a discussion at the Harkness table.

3. Do something illegal in the fourth floor of the Library: I’ve only been up there twice. The first time was during my prep fall for a scavenger hunt. The second time was also during my prep year… good memories. Take the elevator to the third floor, then the stairs the rest of the way. Unfortunately you’ll have to get lucky--it's locked half the time.

4. Get Illegal V’s: There has been much discussion of the V’s policy lately, and while it is clearly flawed and the school will probably change it, I am not sure there is a solution. But in the meantime, we can still break the existing rule. So, go get illegal Vs. This has to be with a member of the opposite sex, because, as everybody knows, there’s no way two guys or two girls could get up to the same trouble that a girl and a guy could. It’s just not physically possible… (As a proctor it's my responsibility to say that you shouldn’t do this. Creates a poor dorm environment.)

5. Go to EP: Rev’s voice is majestic, and there is little more appealing to a potential date than an awkward forced sexual church environment in which you are surrounded by other people.

6. Dick Assembly: This is another way to thumb your nose at the establishment, except this time right at Mr. Cosgrove, who is working hard to catch the students who dick because he values Assembly deeply, not because its his job.

7. Get Fives to Study: Why would you get fives? To study of course.

8. Fatigue a class: Oh wait, you can't even do that anymore.

9. Let's face it, none of us can find 10 exciting things to do here.