The Imposter Syndrome at Exeter

By  KEVIN THANT ‘27

My first concern when committing to Exeter was simple. Would I still be able to be one of the best? One of my great mentors made it simple to me “Would you rather be the greatest G League Player or play as an NBA roleplayer.” In basketball terminology it sounded simple enough, any NBA player would be incredible in the G-League. I supposed that even if I wasn’t the best at Exeter I would still be ahead of everyone else.

I can’t verify the validity of that statement now, but the fears were right. “You’re a big fish in a big pond.” is a statement that many people would use to describe their experience at Exeter. That consolation of that statement does not help with the transition at all. 

It begins when you get your first test back and you get the worst grade of your life. You then see that all the people around you are doing well, breezing through problems you could only pray of doing at the point in time. That’s when all the self doubt comes in and the question of whether or not you belong here becomes more eminent in the back of your mind.

It will haunt you in your early days at Exeter, that’s why we’ve heard so many stories of its academic rigor. Exeter will destroy most of its students’ self confidence. However, it takes a real plunge when you see the students who excel, the ones who maintain a 11.0 GPA despite all of the struggles that you seem to face. If everyone struggled, we could laugh it off and attribute it to how hard the school is, but because there are peers among us that succeed we lose confidence in our belonging here. 

You gradually come to accept that you are no longer the smartest kid in your school and in fact far from it. Your once perfect grades are now littered with B+ s and Bs. You no longer claim to be the most talented at an extracurricular after seeing the caliber of all your other fellow students. Your confidence begins to dwindle as the confidence you had in yourself as a good student disappears. But you have to acknowledge that it is natural to fail here and it doesn’t take away from your capabilities at all.

Going through Exeter without this acceptance is next to impossible. The perfectionism that possesses most of us will destroy us from the inside out. We have to accept that intrinsically the school was designed for most of us to not succeed in the way we are used to, failure to do so is what creates stress that we are incapable of dealing with.

I am not saying be complacent with bad grades and essentially give up with your studies. I am saying that you cannot blame yourself and your talents for not thriving like you used to. A majority of Exeter students do not get 11.0s and the students that destroy your self confidence because they do are not the rule but rather the exception. 

This place is hard, and it is rigorous. We should be content with how we rise up to its challenge and give it our all in the face of adversity no matter what letter grade may follow afterward. 

As Nietzsche said “What doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger.” A hard assignment or test may wreck your GPA but if you really studied your hardest then disappointment should not be your sentiment. It should serve as a lesson, and it gives us an opportunity to improve ourselves in ways that would otherwise be impossible at a normal school. 

That’s the beauty that I see in Phillips Exeter. Although I may be too early to be writing about this so extensively, I can say that a year at Exeter has changed me more than anywhere else. Despite the occasional wreck of a test and paper I’ve learned to pick myself up and understand the importance to move on and learn. 

All of us are privileged to experience one of life’s key lessons at such a young age. It’s not right for me to tell you whether or not you belong at Exeter. But if you ever ask yourself this, accept that the school is meant to stretch us to our limits and push us to fail. It’s a fundamental part of every Exonian’s identity. An interesting statistic to help you answer your question is the acceptance rate. The seat you occupy at the Harkness table could have been replaced by nine other people. Fate and admissions saw it fit enough that you would have that seat. 

If the purpose of Exeter was to have students with straight As then most of us would not belong. After failing so much and picking yourself up, the question will disappear. Eventually it will sound strange to ask the question because Exeter will become such a core part of your identity it’ll be impossible to imagine you never belonging.