Positivity At Exeter and the “Doomer” Epidemic
By SHAY KASHIF ‘26
As we were walking back to our dorms a couple nights ago, a friend told me he had to stop by Phillips Church. Given it was almost 9 PM on a Saturday, I inquired as to why. In a contemplative mood, he said, “I like to study there because there’s no one to judge me for being alone. It’s a great place to be depressed.” He said it half-jokingly, but it wasn’t hard to tell that he wasn’t being entirely facetious. I totally get wanting to be alone sometimes, and Phillips Church is a good study spot, but wallowing in your sadness? Probably not a good thing. Indeed, these sorts of self-deprecating jokes seem to be pervasive at Exeter. Things like sleep deprivation and stress almost become competitions. I’ve heard friends say things like, “You got four hours of sleep last night, and you’re complaining? I got two!”. It’s almost as if there’s a culture of internalizing stress and negative feelings, and making them part of your personality. As I said, it’s okay to feel down sometimes — we all have those days — but no one should wallow in that self-pity.
I remember when I was only a few years old and used to sit on the carpet, mesmerized by Planet Earth narrated by David Attenborough. I used to watch the marvels of the natural world for hours, and think about how beautiful and amazing the planet is. Nowadays, it seems like that innocent gratitude for our world is lost on many people. Every day, we’re inundated with depressing news about wars, famines, politics, and so much more. It seems that at any given moment, the world might just implode. Hence the word “doomer”, used to describe those who believe that we are fast approaching collapse. Let me be clear — there’s a lot wrong with the world, but there’s also an immense amount of beauty in even the simpler parts of life. An appreciation for that can have a tremendous impact on your ability to be positive, and you don’t have to go far to see it.
There’s nothing wrong with being sad, but the smallest of efforts to brighten your day or find the silver lining can be instrumental in breaking out of that cycle. For me, having faith that everything happens for a reason has been extremely helpful in maintaining a positive attitude in life. In the midst of the constant pressures of Exeter, I think that being sure of ourselves can be very important to avoid feelings of hopelessness. It can be as simple as telling yourself that you can do whatever needs to be done.
Self-pity is, in my opinion, one of the worst things you can do to yourself. Of course, it’s easier said than done, but making an active effort to change your circumstances is what you should strive for, especially if you’re not satisfied with where you are in life right now. Society as a whole seems to be romanticizing depression, further reinforcing the idea of some sort of twisted competition to see who can handle the most mental health issues. You don’t have to go far on Instagram before you start getting posts that joke about how depressed or lonely the poster is. The point is that if you indulge in a self-deprecating attitude too much, even jokingly, you’ll eventually start believing it.
The solution to this issue starts out on an individual level, but is a change that needs to be followed through in society as well. As much as school or social drama can be stressful at times, there’s also a ton about life that’s awesome and should be relished. It can be something thrilling and bursting with adrenaline, or just a simple joy of life. The other day I wasn’t having the greatest day — nothing in particular, I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed — and just half an hour with a friend was enough to completely flip my mood. Something as simple as a conversation, or even a passing compliment, can have a massive impact on our psyche as humans. As fulfilling as it is to be on the receiving end of a compliment, it’s equally rewarding on another person’s face. As cliche as it may sound, putting a smile on people’s faces is genuinely something we should strive for.
Making a conscious effort to minimize negativity in our lives, even when it may seem hard to do so, can make all the difference. Peace of mind, happiness, and satisfaction with life should be our ultimate goal, and that starts with continuing to have a deep appreciation of the world around us. I was walking to breakfast with the same friend a couple mornings after he had told me about Phillips Church, and this time, he had a huge smile on his face. “Man, it’s such a beautiful day,” he said. “The birds are singing and the sun’s out”. If only we could incorporate that basic appreciation into our lives more.