Don't Take Exeter for Granted

There is a common misconception in the way that students view their time at the Academy. We attend an institution where amenities are abundant—comfortable living spaces, unlimited food covered by room and board, a game-room, world-class exercise facilities, the largest secondary-school library, weekend activities, a highly sophisticated theater, a 25-yard competition pool, an art gallery, 672 acres of forestland, 3D printers, incredible instruments and practice spaces, you get the idea. Admissions materials highlight campus comforts in the style of a cruise-ship brochure and thus in their decision to attend Exeter and subsequently in their time as students, many perceive themselves as consumers—not only of an education, but of an experience as well. The ‘consumer’ mindset unsurprisingly causes many students to feel ‘in control’ of their thousand-dollar purchase. Yet not all students pay to attend Exeter.

Roughly 45% of students receive financial aid. All students, however, share one thing in common: their acceptance. The common delusion among students is that simply because they were accepted, they have a right to shape their experience. So regardless of whether they receive financial aid, the majority of students consistently expect things to go their way. That is why trouble arises. Students feel entitled to behave (or misbehave) as they wish, regularly without a comprehensive understanding of their effects on others and the greater community. 

Take assemblies for example. The Academy brings Nobel Prize winners, Olympians, presidential candidates, award-winning authors, successful entrepreneurs and dozens of other fascinating people to campus each year. “It is a privilege that we are able to attend such high-quality speeches,” one student told me. However, numerous students “don’t believe in assemblies” or have “better things to do” during the same time. Thus, students frequently find ways to talk with their friends, sleep, play games on their phones or throw in an AirPod and sit back and hum a tune. The disruptive misbehavior at assemblies is blatantly evident and visitors of the academy can surely sense a student atmosphere that lacks respect. When the attendance program was piloted, student behavior improved because faculty monitored students from all angles. Do we need authority present to behave well?I don’t want this to be the case but unfortunately, this is our reality. The assembly hall isn’t the only place where a student culture of insolence exists. 

Students from last year may remember when members of our community stole campus signs. How about stealing from Grill? In discussing Grill shopliftings with dorm members, I wondered if the same students would feel comfortable stealing from a different vendor: CVS, Walgreens, 7-Eleven, etc. Hopefully not, right? If Grill is in fact the exception, then the students’ view of the Academy is faulty; their acceptance to the Academy should not give justification for theft. If the same students would shoplift from any corporation, then there is a larger issue at play. Rather, it seems that stealing from the Academy is what made it ‘okay’ in the first place.

Students seem to feel disconnected from the school and believe that their acts against the Academy’s policies and ethos have no effects on their own Exeter experience. In truth, disrespecting it has numerous consequences. Poor assembly behavior resulted in others not being able to pay attention. Stealing signs cost the Academy hundreds in repairs and purchases, let alone time. Stealing from Grill ultimately ended the sale of specific items and weakened trust on campus so as you wonder why the administration lacks trust in the student body, look to your previous actions for an answer. 

While these were greater incidents on campus, I’m certain there are smaller instances of mischief that frequently occur within dorms, in the locker-rooms, or even in class. But hopefully, that’s in the past. So let’s look to the future.

To the new students and as a reminder to returners:

Coming to Exeter is a privilege. Treat it as one. Exeter is a family and as my mother has always said, you never disrespect family.

Required assembly attendance is here to stay. Pay courteous attention and maybe something will come from it. Our speakers are fascinating.

Give thanks frequently. There are numerous people rooting for you; be sure to thank them for their support.

Be grateful for everything the Academy offers and cherish your time here.

Remember to be kind, and encourage others to be.

Respect authority, but know how to politely stand up for yourself and disagree.

Don’t act like a consumer who is entitled. You applied to Exeter, not a different version of Exeter centered around you.

Stick to honesty; lying is harder anyhow.

Treat mistakes as opportunities for improvement. Learn from them.

Dorm spaces are home. Handle them with care and please pick up after yourself.

Don’t steal. Not from your dorm-mates, not from the Academy, and not from anywhere else. It is simply immoral.

Think carefully before you act. Put yourself in the position of others. 

Behave well regardless of faculty presence and work to continuously be worthy of your acceptance. Don’t assume worthiness.

And one last one: stop complaining about the weather.

As yet another year is beginning, I can’t help but look back on the friendships and memories I have made on campus. Exeter truly is a special space and I hope all members of our community will treat it as one. With small changes to our behavior and constant awareness, we can diminish the student culture of mischief that plagues our community and hinders campus productivity. We can create an atmosphere of trust and generosity that yields polite young adults. And we can ultimately transform the Academy into a welcoming home of educational richness that effectively works to unify knowledge and goodness.