From Dances to Discussion

It’s something that has happened to a lot of girls: a guy that you’ve never met comes up from behind, grabs your body and grinds up against you. Maybe you make eye contact, maybe you don’t. Maybe you want to dance, maybe you don’t. Many girls tell me that even if they don’t want to dance with a guy, the forceful gripping in the middle of the mosh pit makes it virtually impossible to free themselves.Boys are not necessarily the problem because many girls also look forward to going to dances to grind or hookup. The position of grinding, however, makes it easier for the guy to leave if he wants to stop dancing. Often times, the boy doesn’t know that he’s making the girl uncomfortable, so he continues to dance with her until the dance ends or she somehow manages to break free. I’ve heard countless stories from girls who have told me that guys have gone further than grinding to forcefully touching or grabbing other parts of the girl’s body. While the girl may try to push away from the unwanted attention, the boy continues despite her efforts. In this almost hackneyed situation, how does the girl react to this form of condoned sexual harassment?The first dance of the school year, Back in Black, apparently sets the precedent for the rest of the year’s dances, and this year, teachers put a bit more effort into regulating grinding. There is obviously a hookup culture here at Exeter and sexual activity is bound to happen—we're in high school. This is definitely nothing to be ashamed about. Making eye contact with your history teacher while grinding with someone shouldn’t be awkward because you’re ashamed of your sexuality; it is awkward because so many of the teachers on this campus act year-round as your parents. The problem intensifies when the prep class is introduced to this sort of behavior, which they then believe to be acceptable or even necessary to fit in. The popular response to people who don’t want to grind is that they just shouldn’t go to dances. Because dances are an important and frequent part of our school-wide activities, it would be unfair to leave out that portion of the student body.Last year at Andover, the school’s Dean of Students sent out an email to all students about their new ban against grinding and students "who are not adequately clothed" at dances. These rules were met with outrage from the school’s student body, with many insinuating that they constituted "slut-shaming" of girls.Admittedly, there is a reason that many people like to go to dances. Exeter is an institution smothered with structure. All of the tie-wearing, essay-writing, class-going days inevitably cause a great deal of stress that needs to be released. Prohibiting grinding may be another addition to Exeter’s endless list of rules, but it comes down to whether it is worth it to even have one girl or boy face sexual harassment at a dance for something people can do while getting visitations in their room.To those who love going to the dances looking to get intimate with someone, my input may seem naive. It’s true that Exeter dances are judged based on the level of grinding at the dance. People often only look forward to dances so that they can acceptably use other students as objects for their own sexual pleasure. Sexual objectification, whether male or female, fails to foster a strong and confident environment in this school. I’ve been to many of the dances, so perhaps writing this op-ed even makes me somewhat of a hypocrite. But an open discussion about grinding at school is a healthy debate at this time. Perhaps it is impossible to get rid of grinding at Exeter because many students enjoy it and feel that they are mature enough to make their own decisions. Maybe there are other solutions in which certain dances, such as prom, allow that form of dancing. At least talking about the subject and raising awareness for those moments when people have been harassed does a lot for the community. Share your opinion with others whether you agree with me or not, and take time to listen to another