What's Sexier than Consent?

From the words "Senior class" at the end of assemblies, to midnight scream at the end of a term, Exeter has accumulated a diverse plethora of traditions, some of which demand utmost adherence, and others of which have smaller followings. Yet why is it that a single instance of forgetting the two magic words at our all-school meetings can provoke such venom from the audience, while instances of sexual harassment, assault and rape at various boarding schools in New England can often go unnoticed? So much of this harassment occurs daily, in so-called jokes or gossip between friends. One student has overheard comments such as "I would totally rape her" and "I raped you," in reference to a game. Have such violations of the rights of students across campuses become so commonplace that they are tolerated and accepted as a part of the "hook-up culture"? At what point does an "innocent" discussion cross the line or go "too far"? Have the lines blurred between federal crimes against our fellow peers and tradition?Take, for example, every Tuesday night’s gathering at the church, Evening Prayer. Its original purpose was for those of all minds to gather in prayer and reflection, to appreciate music and take a break from Exeter’s all-encompassing bubble of stress and work. EP, however, has since become a matchmaking venue, where couples and students set-up by friends or older students can take 30 minutes to get to know each other, in whatever meaning of the phrase. For the first EP of the year, seniors are often set up with preps, in a way of introducing the youngest members of our community to another facet of our complex, unique culture.In contrast, one of St. Paul’s own traditions, known as the "Senior Salute," was observed by Boston Globe writer Evan Allen as follows: "Graduating seniors seek to hook up with younger classmates before departing the bucolic boarding school for college." This very tradition came under fire in May of this year, when 18-year-old Owen Labrie, class of ‘14, "allegedly led a 15-year-old freshman into a secluded area and sexually assaulted her as she pleaded ‘no,’" as reported by Allen back in August. Labrie is facing 7 charges, including 3 counts of "aggravated felonious sexual assault," and his Harvard acceptance has been rescinded.St. Paul’s entire community has been shaken by the grim news, yet alumni who commented on it don’t see Labrie’s alleged actions as an isolated incident or a perversion of the school norm. Carolyn Forrester ‘11 described the events leading up to the assault itself, including a supposed contest concerning "how many conquests each [senior] could chalk up" and the girl being expected to agree to Labrie’s request eventually, as "business as usual." Shamus Khan ‘96, who now teaches sociology at Columbia University, commented that "I wouldn’t be that surprised by [sexual assault] at any college or high school." And indeed, similar cases at Milton and Groton have also brought the sex cultures of many boarding schools in New England under scrutiny. Even the most innocuous events, such as regularly hosted dances, are now being examined more closely to see what exactly is at the root of such a pervasive problem.Dances can be fun, full of blasting, popular music, where students can just relax and talk with their friends—that is, until they decide to try venturing into the mass of people pumping their fists up and down and crowding near the speakers. In this veritable jungle of Exonians, students might get snatched from the safety of their friends and pulled up against one another, with or without their acquiescence. At the recent "Back in Black" dance, a student observed a young female Exonian being grabbed by an upperclassman who told her that it was what everyone did at dances while she tried to get away from him, repeating "No!" This event portrays another disturbing, but thankfully not as common, aspect of the dance culture, that consent is coerced. Another student described a "rating" system, in which friends of a girl grinding in the crowd use their hands to tell the girl how attractive or popular her partner is, with holding up 10 fingers being the highest. This objectification of men and women only contributes to the shockingly casual attitude present within our school’s hookup culture.How do the hookup cultures of schools like St. Paul’s and Exeter influence teenagers to commit sexual harassment or assault? These cultures may possibly pressure (or even encourage) students into crossing these lines, forgoing consent. How much of this culture is exacerbated by the fact that both these schools are boarding schools? One student remarked, "I have gotten the impression from talking to older returning students that the hookup culture is more prominent than at my old school. Sex is treated as not such a big deal." Atrocities like the St. Paul’s rape case can no longer go unnoticed—conversations about consent and assault need to enter our sphere of relevance before these incidents strike too close to home.