LIFE ADVICE: A New Hope
For all those of you who have been reading Life Advice religiously for the past year, I have some bad news and some good news. The bad news is that your seasoned gurus, seniors Mason Polk and Yusuke Agata have set down the pen, and they will unfortunately no longer be advising you. However, the good news is that they have graciously decided to pass the torch to us, Jake Malasek and Nolan Peacock, and we will now be offering you our own wisdom. Welcome to a new era.
Q1: Spring term is a time of love. How do I find that special someone?
A1: Thanks for the question. You can’t go wrong with EP. Thirty minutes isn’t long to spare for a nice time with a potential bae. Plus, if it’s really too awkward, you don’t even have to say anything. Just listen to the soothing music and the deep tones of Rev reading Howard Thurman.
Q2: How do I get out of the friendzone?
A2: Start off by letting her know that her happiness is your number one priority. If that doesn’t work, make sure to leave her several intimate voicemails, just so she knows you like her. Failing that, show up at her dorm with a dozen flowers and a heartfelt love poem.
Q3: I’m an upper—how do I stay focused while all the seniors are enjoying their spring term?
A3: The best way to combat distraction is fear. Try to think about college as much as you can. Remember how hard it is to get into a good school. Dwell on that. In moments of weakness, recall the fact that even though you’ve gotten through two terms of U.S. history, the 333 is the hardest one yet, and you’ll probably get a bad grade.
Q4: How do I get my dream summer body while still doing well in school?
A4: Well, everyone knows that as long as you are physically in the weight room, you’re actually gaining muscle. So head to the gym, hop on the elliptical for a few minutes, toss a kettlebell around and leave. That should do the trick. Also, being fit is really a state of mind. If you think you look good, trust us, you look good.
Q5: I’m trying to get through upper year without dying. How do I get more sleep?
A5: This is a problem that plagues many of our finest mathletes. Try and get your work done during the day so that you have less work to do at night. Limit your time spent procrastinating. Also, warm milk before bed.
Q6: I’m a prep, and I find myself very stressed out by work. What do I do?
A6: Nothing. You do nothing. You’re a prep.
Q7: It’s my senior spring, and I’m looking for a fun prank to pull on my friends. What would you suggest?
A7: This question hits close to home. Recently, a friend of mine threw a stink bomb into my room while I was sleeping. It was quite unpleasant, and the smell was absolutely terrible. He seemed to enjoy it, though. For a harmless yet annoying prank, try turning every item in their room upside down. When they ask who did it, admit to the crime but refuse to help clean up. Classic.
Email us your life advice questions at jmalasek@exeter.edu. We’ll do our best to help you out.
Forever fresco,
Jake and Nolan