The Benefits of Looking Directly into Your Webcam

By Jack Archer

1. It’s scary as hell

a. Perfect for halloween

b. This year, dress up as “social interaction”

c. To evoke maximum terror, go trick or treating door to door

2. You can make eye contact with multiple people at once

a. I mean, talk about a power move

b. Who wouldn’t want to do that?

3. Everyone will be too focused on you to notice your room is a hellscape

a. Boy am I glad you can’t smell things through Zoom

4. The little light is comforting

a. Its tiny glow keeps you safe

b. You’ll always know when your camera’s on

c. So there can’t be anyone peering though that hole

d. Using your webcam like a window

e. Watching you always

f. The light’s off, so you’re alone

g. Right?