Right vs. Left Side of Elm
By ARYAN AGARWAL ‘27, HUGO SHINN ‘27, and KEVIN THANT ‘27
In a school that preaches unity, it’s hard to imagine a campus so divided between what side of Elm there is to sit upon. From the looks of it, it should be the same, the same horrible food, and the same awkward color scheme. Why is it, however, that when students walk into Elm they divide between the left and the right side and oftentimes never change what side they sit on for the whole of their Exeter career? We’ll describe people who sit on the left side as lefties and people on the right as righties. Let’s look at both sides and what they have to offer.
Left: This is the side that’s often referred to as the faculty side or more meaning the “Bot side.” But in a trade-off for a lack of social prestige, you find more open seats and often shorter lines because you don’t see whole sports teams trying to cut in front of you in line. Lefties are often looked down upon by righties, which lefties often ardently try to defend but they may be fighting a losing cause. Studies conducted by our pair of eyes have shown that lefties often have the most amount of computers open during lunch and homework being done. Not only that left side also has the most faculty ever seen at Elm.
On the topic of faculty, there’s a certain magnetism about lefties and the left side that one cannot articulate, a magnetism that seems to attract every faculty member on this campus and invites them to eat on the left side of Elm. In fact, it is the left side’s popularity with faculty members that earns it the disdain of our social elite. It must be difficult to be cool when you see your teacher watching you as you enjoy your dry chicken breast.
Right: The epitome of social status, many claim is having your own table reserved for you in the busiest hours of Elm Street Dining Hall. You sit in fact, with zero faculty members, and the amount of homework being done on the right side is none. Surely then everyone would sit on the right side of Elm, right? Why would anyone sit on the left side?
Picture this. You just walked out of a horrible math test and after skipping breakfast there’s nothing more you would like to do than sit down and eat lunch. You line up and wait to get to the food because that’s what everyone does right? Wrong. You’re hit by a whole friend group cutting the line and your ETA towards food has now gotten 20 minutes longer.
After finally getting food you look for a place to sit and walk over to your friend’s table but every cubic inch of that place is taken over and to squeeze a gap you would have to turn into a flat sheet of paper.
Now that we’re done with hypotheticals let’s think about what the more prudent option would be. This article is in no way a defense of the left side of Elm nor a diss of the right side. Whether you may be a leftie or a rightie the most prudent option would be to go to the new dining hall.