Transportation Tier List
BY JACK ARCHER
It is well known that there are better and worse ways to traverse the paths of Exeter. As always, the Humor section is here to guide you. Here are the ten best ways to get to Grill. And then maybe go to a class or two.
10. Roller skates: Good luck sitting down at a Harkness table. Also, you will probably have to take them off to cross roads.
9. Scooter: You can’t ride a skateboard but always leave a minute before class starts. Or you can do those cool spinny tricks. Or the scooter has sick light up wheels. You still have to wear a helmet, though.
8. Running: You’re still going to be late.
7. Walking: The basic method of traversing the Exeter paths. You can’t go wrong with this one. Unless you and your two friends walk side by side and block everyone else from getting to class on time. Then you suck.
6. Skateboard: Hey, that looks awesome! I bet it saves you so much time, especially in Winter Term when it starts snowi — oh wait.
5. Bike: You probably live on South Side. If not, your bike probably lives on South Side now.
4. Crowd surfing: I swear it works. Try it on when you’re walking to an 8a.m. class. You’ll wake up at 8:55 as usual, except your head might hurt a little more.
3. Heelys: You get asked to EP (On Tuesdays of course) five times a day. Your DMs are too crowded to slide into; standing room only. You roll your way through life, toes held high. A bright future awaits you, and nothing is going to stop you from achieving your goals except moderately sized sticks and large acorns in the middle of the paths.
2. Golf cart: The true alpha of Exeter paths. The sea of pedestrians part before them, fearing death by Campus Safety officers about to unlock some prep’s door because their lion card fell off their lanyard.
1. Pogo stick: Who needs to cross roads when you can simply clear them? Who needs to worry about groups of three blocking their way when you can soar above their heads? Who can attest that someone who pogos to class is not the coolest kid on campus? No one. That’s who.