If I Could Choose the Mascot

1) I think a bulldog would be kind of nice. It’s scary but also has a sweet side, like Ruth Bader Ginsberg or the deans.

2) I have never seen a lemur as a school mascot. Derived from the Latin,  lemures, meaning either “perfect mascot” or “sweet meat”, lemurs  like eating bugs and tiny insects, like flies, mosquitos, preps and crickets. The golden bamboo lemur can eat twelve times the lethal dosage of cyanide daily. Wow. The ring-tailed lemur often engages in “stink-fights” where it rubs its tail across scent glands on its wrists and flicks it at other males. I’ve heard this isn’t an uncommon practice in the male locker room either. As one of the world’s only pollinators, they will be our last hope when all the bees die.

3) Octopi are one of the smartest invertebrates, so they’re clearly out of the question. Finding Nemo was pretty cool though and I really like that scene where they bounce from jellyfish to jellyfish. Apparently they don’t have brains. That seems fitting. I just looked it up and it turns out they don’t have hearts or lungs either. Or eyes. They can clone themselves and some of them have teeth. I have no idea why you would evolve to have teeth if you can’t think. They’re also between 85% and 98% water, as substantial as the conversation you had with your EP date last week.

4) I would love to see someone in a gorilla suit. It would have to be very realistic though. I wouldn’t even want people to be able to tell that it wasn’t a real gorilla. They’d see it and be like, “Woah, is that a real gorilla at the football game? That’s crazy.” Also, we don’t live by a zoo, so people would be pretty confused as to why there was a gorilla at the football game. They’d be like, “I wonder how that gorilla got here. We don’t even live by a zoo.”

5) Choose your own damn mascot! I don’t care!

6) The Joker. He’s sick, he’s twisted, and most importantly, he would make an excellent mascot. I think the recent movie featuring him was a cinematic masterpiece in all regards. The score was perfect, cinematography incredible, and it was able to acutely portray what it feels like to live in a society. I think finally having a mascot that is consistent with pop culture would really set us apart from other schools.

7) I think a lion would make sense. They’re all over the school on like every building, I don’t see why we couldn’t just make it our mascot.