Kid Passes Out While Dropping Off Plate in Elm

Prep Zark Muc passed out yesterday while dropping off his plate in Elm. While we don’t know the full story, bystanders have speculated that it had something to do with the smell. Lower Ban Drown concurred. “I think he caught one whiff of the smell and fainted. He tried to hold his nose, but the MgSO4 smell was too strong.” He didn’t even make it to the end of the D-Hall cubbies before dropping on the ground.

While we wait on Zark Muc to come back from his coma, we all wish him a speedy recovery so that he can finally finish the Exeter Tinder project he was working on. It might be BaceFook, actually.

Anyways, Zark Muc’s friend group decided to start going to Weth now, because it’s closer to their dorm—Ewald.

D-Hall staff member Derek  (the guy who used to make omlettes (RIP Derek 2018)) decided to stop working in the D-Hall cleaning area after hearing about this incident. He instead defected to making omlettes. After finding out that the fish they used was Red’s Best, and that the chicken was as dry as cardboard, Derek had enough. He quit. Guess PMac had the right idea.

As a result, D-Hall staff has now decided to count the number of preplings walking into Elm, which is why they started to station someone at the entrance of Elm to count the number of people walking in each time.

Turns out, Zark Muc woke up while we were writing this article. Due to the potent smell, he has completely forgotten everything that has happened recently, including how he passed out. As a result, he decided to walk through the cleaning area once more, upon which he passed out again.

Exonians worldwide have now learned a lesson: Drop off your plate at WETH.

At Weth, you don’t have to walk through a toxic waste zone. Instead, you can stack everyone’s plates on top of each other on one tray, and selfishly wait for the Weth staff to separate the plates and silverware.