Exeter Genesis

And God said, “Let there be a health center, where you shall dump the kids with norovirus, and let the basket placed with inconvenient conspicuousness in front of a bunch of windows runneth over with condoms, so that no student shalt become preggerz and miss crew practice.” And God saw that the health center was pretty clean and sanitary and all that, so he threw some grass on the roof and moved on.

And God said, “Let there be mediocrity, for they can’t all be like Ken Bai.” And God created Model UN, the EPAC game room, and Tennis. And God found he really didn’t give a hoot about any of them.

And God said, “Let there be overpriced books and swag.” So God created the bookstore, and supplemented the expensive stuff with a principal with an affinity for free shirts.

And God said, “Let there be misery, to keep self-esteem low, nails bitten and motivation to graduate continuous.” So God created school dances, New Hampshire weather, lack of sleep and your transcript (yes, YOURS). And God said, “God, this stinks.”

And God said “Let one of this institution’s greatest alumni be a fictional serial killer.” So God created Patrick Bateman and said “nailed it bro,” and has been watching an incredible horror movie on a loop ever since.