The Eight Stages of Eating a Bag of Chips

The temptation: It’s there. Perched on the corner of your desk, just within your line of sight. Crunchy, salty goodness. Waiting there. For you.

Giving in: The bag is in your hands now. How did it get there? You’re not really sure, but as long as it is there, might as well.

The Inception: There’s the perfect tear along the top seam of the bag, the light reflecting off the shiny interior. Your hand plunges into the abyss and returns with a handful of your prey. The chips are thin and crunchy, and your fingertips are layered with their first coating of salt. All is well, life is good.

Comfort Phase: Your mouth is now accustomed to the taste of the chips, used to the massive amounts of salt you are ingesting at an alarming rate. There’s no stopping now. Chip after chip, you shove each one into your mouth. The bag continues to yield yellow flakes of happiness, and you continue to accept each of its gifts.

Shortage: Your chip-per-handful ratio has lowered substantially. Your hand is travelling deeper and deeper to satisfy your salt-craving taste buds. Times are harder now than they used to be.

The Funnel: Your hands just won’t do the trick anymore. It is time for more desperate measures. You tilt the bag upwards, stationing your mouth at the top corner of the bag and lean back, letting the last sediments stubbornly clinging to the bottom of the bag tumble into your mouth. You chew, you swallow. It is done.

Regret:  You realize that now you will have to do everything with oily, salty, saliva-covered fingers.

Grief: You realise the bag of chips was family- sized.