An Update on the Flora and Fauna of 1998: Full Version

Twenty years ago the Exonian published its first “Harkness flora and fauna,” noting that “Harkness warrior” and “Harkness wallflower” did not do full justice to the variety of Harkness creatures around the table.  Here is an updated version:

The Harkness One-and-Done:

Reads one pre-written sentence directly from their notes at the beginning of class. This student can then lean back in their chair and zone out for the rest of the discussion. They always have a single check mark next to their name on the Harkness web diagram that every teacher definitely uses to keep score.

The Harkness Clarifyer:

Has probably said, or will say “Just to be clear, Gatsby is dead, right?”

The Harkness Outside Knowledger :

Tries to apply the philosophies of the Existentialists they have read to a conversation about undefined limits.

The Harkness Teacher’s Bane:

Says “obviously,” over and over.

The Harkness Flow Killer:

Brings the conversation to an abrupt end by asking a long-winded, closed-ended question which pretty much sums up what the whole class has said.

The Harkness Dramatic Reciter (Me):

Reads the text which someone has just referenced and paraphrased aloud for participation points.

The Harkness Melania Trump:

Only speaks to steal someone else’s ideas. Commonly confused with the Dramatic Reciter, but Melania is also a fashionista just sitting there.

The Harkness Donald Trump:

Only adds to the conversation to make a direct attack on a student’s (or teacher’s) comment over and over and thinks its funny. The Donald creates their own “facts” and calls all the others’ arguments “fake facts.”

The Harkness Cardi B:

Doesn’t really say that much when they talk, but they fill their contributions with many likes, ums, and random interjections in order to prolong their air time.

The Harkness Percussionist (aNgeLe YanG):

Taps the Mii theme on the table, but only the jazz version.

The Harkness Geometric Abstractor:

Only annotates by underlining, and uses extra thiccque lines for emphasis. By the end of class, their pages look like an Alejandro Otero painting.

The Harkness Rembrandt:

Draws exceptionally realistic portraits of the teacher in their notebook.

The Harkness Sick Student:

Only comments to ask for someone to pass the tissues.

The Harkness Debate Nerd:

Only ever plays devil’s advocate.

The Harkness Godot:

Never comes to class, but always promises to come tomorrow.

The Harkness Hero:

Asks the question that everyone else is too embarrassed to ask. I have personally been saved many times by the Harkness Hero, and I think I can speak for us all when I say, we love you.

The Harkness John Snow*:

Posts the “truth” about Exeter anonymously on Busride.

The Harkness Mark Zuckerberg*:

Knows absolutely everything about every student on campus, even their darkest secrets, but apologizes endlessly for selling them to the highest bidder.

The Harkness Assembly Speaker*:

Talks about how they were near last in their class at Exeter, yet got into Harvard.

The Harkness Annual Exonian Harkness Award Winner*:

Thinks it’s an honor to win an award that everyone else knows is an insult (Harkness Warrior of the year).

*Important roles in our community which are not limited to the classroom setting.