Proctors

Ahh, spring term. A time when all of the underclassmen decide it’s time to get “serious,” and seriously blow off their responsibilities to play spikeball, when all of the seniors seemingly disappear into the tunnels of Exeter or some giant senior-sucking hole, and the uppers become….suspiciously friendly. Those kids who always post “suffering” with tears running down their faces on their finsta at three am suddenly have time to chat with you in the kitchen. That girl in your dorm who must have vision problems from all the glaring she does suddenly smiles at you. Some upper you’ve never seen introduces herself to you and tells you she lives on your floor. Like little roaches, they lurk around the common room, clearly unsocialized. No, they’re not looking to leech juul pods from you. They want your vote for proctor.

Proctor is a sacred role, characterized by a false sense of college security and power in doing nothing except planning Academy Life Day.

Proctor is a sacred role, characterized by a false sense of college security and power in doing nothing except planning Academy Life Day. Do not trust any of these so called “friendly” uppers. No upper is friendly, only college crazed or too exhausted to process anger. And all too soon you’ll see them recede back into the darkness of their rooms, unheard from until they return in the fall, dragging the preps around on their campus tour and promising that Agora is the coolest place to hang.