How to Tell the Difference Between a Real Nazi and a Misunderstood Charlottesville Protester

After the act of domestic terrorism in Virginia this past August, President Trump said in his official statement that “Not all of those people were neo-Nazis, believe me.” But how do you tell the difference between an actual Nazi and one of those misunderstood Average Joes that just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time? Here at the Humor page, we have put together a handy ten step guide for distinguishing the difference between a evil neo-Nazi and your friendly, neighborhood white supremacist.

1. Neo-Nazis chant “blood and soil.” Your friendly neighborhood white supremacist chants “blood and soil” too, but his heart’s just not really into it.

2. He puts more emphasis on the “heritage” when he says, “Heritage, not hate.”

3. Nazis use the Nazi salute, but your friendly neighborhood white supremacist just wants to make sure he’s not walking into a wall that floats in the air slightly above his head.

4. When he chants, “Jews will not replace us,” he’s speaking more in the theoretical sense than in the concrete.

5. His swastika tattoo is more of an “ironic statement.”

6. The reason he shaved his head was for cancer. He hasn’t really picked a side in the whole “Cancer vs. People” battle, but he knew he wanted to shave his head.

7. He chants “white lives matter” but he sometimes switches it up and goes with “all lives matter.”

8. He just likes tiki torches.

9. When he shouts, “No son of mine will marry a black woman,” there were so many words that he thought about using, but didn’t.

10. When he professes his love of Nazi Germany of old, it’s just because he’s just a generally loving guy.