Exeter Single-Handedly Ends Global Warming by Forcing Senior Class to Clean Up Beach

The Exeter community has hit upon a surefire cure-all for global warming: making every Senior spend their first Sunday back at school cleaning up a beach. This decision to forgo a free Sunday this weekend was made by Dean Mischke, who, after deep self-reflection, decided that the first week back was “not hectic enough.” “I mean, what else are seniors going to do on their first weekend back? See their friends? Do homework? Enjoy one of their last fleeting moments in their rapidly moving youth? I say, let’s clean up the beach!”

Jack Baker, a tall person who has been made single after recent developments, had some comments on the matter. “I thought that putting a class wide activity when there’s also a student listener retreat the next Sunday would be a bad idea. But after cleaning a beach, I have found an inner peace that cannot be stifled by the fact that I haven’t started my homework/college applications. I feel at one with the universe, and I know that global warming is just a thing of the past.”

Move aside the, EPA! Stand back, each of the 15 clubs dedicated to environmental protection on this campus! The senior class is here to save the day. And miss the first Sunday of football. Which, let me make clear, is the real reason for this article.