Donald Trump Tells North Korea to Bomb the US so That He Can Retaliate Already

At a dinner in South Korea this past week, Donald Trump told the North Korean dictator Kim-Jong Un to nuke a major US city so that he can bomb the hell out of someone already. “I’m getting tired of waiting,” said the President, pleading with the despot to level a major city so that he could press his big red button. “It doesn’t even have to be New York. It can be Des Moines for all I care. Just give me a reason to use these launch codes!”

President Trump, who has spent the past few days traveling through Asia and yelling at random people to open their eyes, said that he really needs to launch his “pretty, pretty nuke” because he has “had a bad week.” When asked about his opinion of sushi, he said that he “doesn’t like Chinese Food,” and he’s “not a fan of dead fish and rice, but mostly the rice”