Things to Spend Dorm Funds On

1. Check to make sure nobody in your dorm is allergic to peanut butter. Buy 70 industrial jars of peanut butter. Cover yourselves in peanut butter. Hug.

2. Buy ~fancy handkerchiefs~ and cry together.

3. Buy a dorm fish and pray that nobody kills it.

4. Just literally give every person in your dorm $3. Redistribute wealth. Seize the means of production. Take back for the proletariat what the bourgeoisie stole.  Workers of the world, unite!

5. Buy enough double ply toilet paper for the next few weeks.

6. Buy a security camera to watch the dorm kitchen and finally catch who’s stealing your darn juice. (@AmenHall)

7. Buy lots of tomatoes. Mash them up. Swim in them.

8. Buy communal fancy underwear.

9. Buy a dorm spear to defend your territory.

10. Pay for one person to go see Beyonce. Choose by lottery.

11. Bribe a politician.

12. Invest in the stock market. Profits go towards fixing that one shower on third floor that always covers your feet in hairy, grey water.

13. Buy a Subway $5 Footlong™ for every other person in your dorm.

14. Enter the Slovokian real estate market.

15. Buy yet another microwave. You can never have enough.